As Nick pulled the door of the Grand Cherokee shut, he looked at his map and grabbed for his cell phone.  Sarah leaned her head back and prepared to have a little nap.

“Uncle Jake?  This is Nick.  We’re leaving Omaha now and should be there in 3 hours or so…yup…she’s sleeping.  Probably…you grilling?”

Sarah smiled.  She knew Nick’s aunt and uncle were preparing an all-out barbecue feast in honor of their arrival from New York.  Sarah was giddy at the thought of sleeping in a real bed and taking a hot shower for a few nights before heading out again—even if it meant being in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, a place she thought she’s never go.   A place she’d never really wanted to go.  But they had their reasons, and Uncle Jake and Aunt Eileen had promised them “the best accommodations that Sioux Falls, 57104” had to offer.  She thought she was being cool by referencing a popular television show from the 90s.

When Nick got off the phone, Sarah turned her head and asked him: “You sure this is okay with your uncle?”. 

Nick smiled.  “It’s more than okay.  Trust me”.  She did. 

When she woke up, Nick was inside a mini-mart, picking up a six-pack for his uncle.  He smiled as he jumped back into the Jeep and they drove the half-mile to the house.   As soon as they arrived, they could smell meat cooking in the backyard.  Aunt Eileen was, undoubtedly, making potato salad and cole slaw inside.  After the said their hellos, they say down with at the picnic table, drinking their American beer and feeling like Americans. 

 “How’s work, Uncle Jake?” Nick asked.

“Just fine, just fine”, Jake responded and sipped on his Budweiser.  He had worked for years for a large, international bank that had its home base in Sioux Falls.  Nick explained to Sarah that the reason every time she called her bank’s customer service she heard a thick Midwestern accent, it was because the lack of a state corporate income tax brought a lot of financial companies there.  She thanked him for the explanation and spent the next several hours talking like the secretary from “Ferris Bueller” again.

After lunch, she and Nick prepared for their next jewelry store trip.  She had handpicked a store that was known for custom—and pricey—jewelry.  She put on a pair of leggings and jammed a pillow into the waistband.  Carefully and methodically, using a complex arrangement of masking tape over the pillow and a tight tank top over the whole apparatus, she made herself look about 8 months pregnant.  She had brought a flowy-yet-stylish top with her for just such an occasion, and she wore that over everything.  When Nick walked into the guest room, he shook his head.

“I don’t know whether to laugh or be terrified”.

“Ohfercrissakes, honey, let’s gooooooo”, she said in her best South Dakota accent, and dragged him down the stairs.

Nick’s aunt and uncle had heard stories about the stunts Nick and Sarah pulled together, but they were surprised when they walked into the kitchen.  Sarah was proud of herself.  Nick was embarrassed.  Jake was amused.  Eileen was horrified.

After they were back in the Jeep, Nick asked where they were headed.  She pulled out her sheet from mapquest and told him: “West 57th, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, 57108.  Are my vowels long enough, honey?  Will I fit in?”

“Sadly, yes.  But I don’t care how knocked up you are.  I don’t think you deserve an engagement ring if you talk that way”.  Nick smiled.

Sarah patted her belly.  “Not in front of the pillow”, she said.

They walked into the upscale jeweler with Sarah supporting her lower back with both hands.  She and Nick couldn’t look at each other for fear of laughing.  A very helpful woman--and her very lengthy vowels--came out from behind the counter and asked if she could help. 

 Nick stammered: “We’re, uh, here to look at, um, wedding rings”.

“Uh huh, I see”, the salesperson responded. “Do you have a budget in mind?”

Sarah groaned slightly.  “We have a timetable in mind.  Can I get a chair, please?”

The woman brought out a chair and Sarah maneuvered her way into it the way her older sister had to when she was pregnant a few years before.

“I see, of course.  Would you like anything else?” the salesperson asked.

“I’d love a glass of water.  And where’s your bathroom?”  Nick quickly turned away before he was caught grinning.

When Sarah came waddling back from the bathroom, Nick was looking at a case full of diamond wedding rings, she guessed, in the six-to-ten thousand dollar range.  Nick must have told the woman about his imaginary multi-million dollar trust fund.  She sat back down and listened as the woman extolled the virtues of each different wedding ring.  Nick tried on gold wedding bands, but Sarah didn’t try anything on, claiming that her fingers were “fat and gross”.  Then she asked about re-sizing after she had the baby.

“Soooo, the wedding is soon, then?” the salesperson asked.

“I will not have a baby before I’m married,” Sarah explained, “and we’ve been lollygagging on this.  We’re doing it in two weeks.  I hope this puppy stays in long enough”, she said as she lovingly patted Eileen’s pillow.  Then she stood up.

“You have lovely things.  I’m sure we’ll be back in a few days.  We have to go, though”.  She grabbed Nick by the arm and dragged him out of the store.  She was practically having a fit by the time they got to the car.

After they got in, Nick asked: “What is the matter with you?”

Sarah pulled up her flowy top and revealed where the masking tape had come loose and a corner of the pillow was starting to stick out from her abdomen.

She laughed.  “That woman was going to either figure it out, or think that the baby was kicking its way out, like in ‘Alien’”.  As she pulled the tape off and released the fake baby from her belly, she said: “That stuff was way over-priced, anyway, right?  We learned that today”.  Nick nodded and laughed as he watched his fake wife-to-be tearing off their fake baby.

They drove back to Aunt Eileen and Uncle Jake’s to rest up for a few days before Sturgis.

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